So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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