I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
