Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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