i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
