Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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