i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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