you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
