I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
not ubering you a puppy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize