He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
