I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
