Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
