I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
