There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
