I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
