omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
