Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
