He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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