So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
