I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
