I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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