Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
