I'm so fucking centered right now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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