So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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