Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
