gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
