I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
