No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
