dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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