how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
