So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
