What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
