how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
this hospital has no fireball
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
try to milk me bitch
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