I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
