I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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