i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
