apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
