the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
