apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
