My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
