I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize