I'm jealous of your bromance
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
