he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
