No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
