I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
