yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
