She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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