OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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