Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
