i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
