I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
