Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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