Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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