I don't think brook has ever known best
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
