I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
