I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
