WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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