i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
