i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
