everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
