I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
