I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
