I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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