I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
