i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
