oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize