Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
