apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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